Spittin´Bees with Fraudeline Von ZiBitch
Posted on August 18, 2011
The entire family was loaded up in the car last weekend and out for a short ride. It was an abnormally quiet trip for our family of five. Especially since four of us
have diarrhea of the mouth are talkers. Perhaps we are still jet-lagged from our recent trip stateside.
But out of the blue, Erling Jr. breaks the silence with the following comment:
`You know Dad, you shouldn´t lock the windows. How is a guy supposed to get rid of the bee in his mouth?´
Our children are notorious for pulling things out of thin air, and this one made me giggle out loud.
Here´s the story…..
While on vacation, Mother was kind enough to loan us her very clean, kid free, luxury SUV with LIGHT beige interior. I harped on the kids constantly about keeping the car tidy, but as we travelled through four states during our four week trip, hitting a drive through, or six, was inevitable. There were some spills which we got up, but not without me lecturing our three pigs throughout the scrubbing process. Dream Baby was beginning to refer to me as Fraudeline Von ZiBitch, but the kids showed remarkable understanding and made efforts. I was pleased with the affects of my nagging until the day we were returning to Mom and Dad´s from a waterskiing trip.
Each kid, in a change of dry clothes, grabbed their soda and climbed into the car. It had been a great day and everyone was exhausted. About half way home, Esten, in an obvious panic attack, begins humming LOUDLY.
`Humm, HUMM, HUMMMMM!´
I turned to the back seat and asked, `WHAT?´
I noticed his eyes were as big as saucers as he pointed to his mouth and hummed LOUDER!
Jr. frantically tried to roll down the windows and announced, `Dad, The window locks are on!´
Sr. begins hitting every button on the driver door and I yelled, `Spit it back into your Coke can!´
Esten spits, and I swear a bee flew out of his mouth and proceeded to bump randomly into the ceiling over my head. He was clearly dazed and confused, but he was adamant about finding an escape route. Sr. finally found the window unlock button, and I managed to gently guide the bee out the window with my hands.
I could not believe the thing was still alive, but even more miraculous, was the fact no one got stung. Not even Esten!
Yet the biggest miracle of all, not one drop of Coke-a-Cola hit Nana´s carpet!
I suppose my nagging paid off. But I couldn´t help but have guilty feelings, and worried about my
bitching behavior the rest of the ride. Have I gotten so bad that my child would hold a bee in his mouth not to upset me!?!
I ultimately decided that nagging is pursuit. It shows a parent cares enough to mean business. Nagging is persistence. Nagging is stubborn and dedicated. Nagging won’t let the matter drop. Nagging is guidance, the invaluable work needed to raise adolescent children. Even at the risk of bee stings. Children, like bees, only want to be loved, and swatting at them isn´t going to help a bit! They respond positively with proper
nagging guidance and loving attention.
Hours later, I heard Esten telling Mother his tongue hurt. She fixed him a mouth rinse and gave him the Nana attention he craved knowing good and well if that bee had stung him, we all would have heard about it LONG before now!